A New Home...

I finally caved and changed my site to Wordpress. You can now find me at this address:

http://www.melissaaffolter.com

A Dream So Big

Recently, I was asked to write a book review for my church's women's newsletter. This has been one of my favorite books, so I thought I would share here as well.

“I will cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me.” (Ps. 57:2) 

Every woman has dreams. Even in strong, theological circles, in which we cultivate biblically informed emotions, women still have dreams. But not all dreams become reality. Friends desert us. Sickness overtakes the home. A longed-for husband never arrives. The womb remains hollow. Children forsake our teaching. Somewhere along the way, the wavering heart convinces us there must be something more. This can’t possibly be it.

So, we tuck our dreams away, wondering if we must resign ourselves to a life of unfulfilled hopes.

In the book, A Dream So Big, we find the story of a dream. A husband and wife celebrating twelve years of marriage, a growing family, enjoying a safe and comfortable home, solid career options, surrounded by dear friends. Dreams seemingly fulfilled. Capped off by the unexpected excitement of a third child being conceived!

The pregnancy quickly revealed a major concern. Baby Pfeifer was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder, and doctors called for an abortion, warning that the baby growing in Nancy’s womb would be, “incompatible with life”. Instead of onesies and diapers, the shower consisted of frozen meals in preparation for a painful homecoming upon the bittersweet birth. Eight days together enjoying this precious new baby was all the Pfeifer family had before he was taken to his eternal home with Jesus. Dreams crushed.

If you are looking for a theological treatise on God’s sovereignty in the midst of suffering, you won’t find it here. This is a quirky book, full of interesting vignettes from life in Africa. Yet, it is a sobering reflection on how God took the big dreams of one family, stripped them bare, and replaced them with something better. After baby Stephen’s death, the Pfeifer’s left behind all familiarities and served as dorm parents at a mission community in Kenya for a year. As they considered the poverty, injustice and spiritual darkness of their foreign home, God revealed a new dream. A dream to care for the orphans of Kenya, extending their initial commitment to a permanent relocation to Kenya, working in the mission community full-time and establishing a lunch program serving several thousand starving children each week. A dream calling Steve and Nancy to take in abandoned twins, Ben and Katie, giving them a home and a heritage of faith.

Though you may not find a theological treatise on God’s sovereignty in the midst of suffering, you will find a real-life story of how God’s ordaining providences transform the dreams of His people into something far greater. Inscribed on baby Stephen’s gravestone are the words, “ Having fulfilled the purpose the Father had for him, he returned to the Father”. The Pfeifer’s look back on how their earthly dreams may have been shattered, but were replaced with eternal dreams – dreams to serve the lost, and share the love of Christ in a tangible way. Of these dreams, Steve aptly says, “Our story is really all about Jesus. He is our beginning, our middle, and our end. And He can use anything and anyone for His purpose.”

  

For a lengthier review of this book, see Tim Challies comments @ http://www.challies.com/book-reviews/a-dream-so-big

The point of my life is not usefulness

This morning, one of my dearest friends posted a link to an article. Because I love to read so many various perspectives, and I trust this friend's judgment and often value what she values, I clicked on the link to read. Such a simple story, and yet filled with simple wisdom. 

Immediately, this writer's thoughts resonated with my daily experiences. I often wonder if I am really being useful at all. And the purpose of much of what originally formulated my own writing has been to study how one becomes more useful. So when I first read this post, I was thrown a bit and had to re-read it a couple times. She says at one point:

no matter where I am or what roles I’ve been given, the point of my life is not usefulness, but in knowing God and enjoying Him forever.

So, does that mean that I don't pursue usefulness at all? No, just that if my pursuit is knowing God and enjoying Him forever, then I will naturally be useful to His kingdom. Whether it's in grading papers, cooking a meal for my family, picking up my friend's children from school, or teaching a group of goofy middle school girls, usefulness cannot be my goal. Christlikeness is the goal - Christ maintained perfect communion with the Father. Usefulness is an overflow of that relationship.

Read the rest of her article here:
http://www.incourage.me/2013/09/how-the-boring-stuff-matters.html

The Lost Art of Reading

Taken from my guest post @ riverbendchurch.com

I love to read a good book. I love to skim multiple books at a time. In fact, there has not been a time when I didn’t have numerous books in a scattered pile next to my bed, with bookmarks sticking out and highlighters clipped to the covers. I read everything from theological journal articles to blog posts from moms to the latest statistics from news outlets.

Many people will generically say, “I really don’t enjoy reading, it’s just not my thing.” While it is certainly true that there can be many factors (of which we won’t have time or space to address here) affecting whether or not a person naturally likes to read, it remains a learned practice to one degree or another. Personality, giftedness, and learning disabilities certainly play a role in the development of a child’s reading abilities and habits. However, what we want to address here is the why and how the discipline of reading serve as a critical part of your child’s character development.

Most parents want their children to be good readers. This article is not mean to serve as an academic expose on the various technical approaches. But, it will provide some practical points about the reasons children miss out on the discipline of reading, why they ought to cultivate good reading habits, and how we can help them. Let me first propose why reading is no longer a natural development in the lives of young children.

Fast-paced society

Everything moves fast today. If the microwave takes longer than sixty seconds to reheat something, we are annoyed. So sitting down to read a book for thirty minutes feels like torture!

Driven by technology

Gaming systems, Instagram and Facebook accounts, TV, iPhones for 3^rd graders…there is no end to the distractions facing children today. Forget reading, that’s boring!

Extracurricular activities

Children are carted from one sporting event to the next, taking gymnastics and music lessons, going to craft camps, after-school tutoring. Of course many of these activities provide helpful and needed stimulation. But let’s face it – fifty years ago (really even twenty years ago!) children did not have near the options they do now. It’s like going to the grocery store, seeing over a dozen cereal options when you just need one for sustenance. Reading? Isn’t that just something we do in school?

Disconnected families

Because of the hectic schedules in our families, the resulting lack of conversation and gathering around the table, leaves little time for connecting, much less reading. By the time we all get home, we are exhausted and irritable – it’s time to veg out.

Now let’s consider the affects of neglecting the discipline of reading in a child’s life.

Not a thinker

He will rely primarily on what he is told for knowledge, instead of being able to apply a biblical worldview through the discipline of reading, leading to determinations about how he will live. He will hear a sermon, a lecture at school, or a conference session, and have few insights about how to interpret the information being thrust at him. More than that, he will have little motivation to go home and dig deeper to test the accuracy of what he heard.

Poor writing ability

Good readers make good writers. As a former teacher, I can accurately say that I am greatly concerned about the many students heading to college who cannot formulate a well-structured sentence and have no idea how to do research without Wikipedia.

Easily swayed by popular opinion or peer pressure

Lacking solid examples of character found in the great stories of early missionaries, war heroes, and the like, young people today lack the understanding of what it means to stand for something.

Whew! In light of all this “bad news,” how do we help our children cultivate a love for reading?

Make it a family event

My mother took time each night to read with my sister and I. Now, I have watched my sister do the same with her two children, and reading has quickly become one of their favorite activities. They cannot imagine going through an entire day without reading at some point. On a practical note, I think it’s important to introduce children to books other than only a Bible storybook, even at a young age. This teaches them about the varied types of books and allows you to help them apply biblical principles within other stories as an additional teaching method.

This is a challenging discipline, because most mothers end their evenings exhausted from a day filled with cleaning, disciplining, preparing dinner, running errands – the goal is typically to get the children to bed so that you can still have a few minutes prepping lunches for tomorrow and decompressing with a bath or quiet time. But, I promise you – your children will look back on it as a fond memory and a meaningful time spent together – I certainly do!

Demonstrate the value of it

Being able to properly analyze the content of what we read allows us to identify something as simple as the difference between a review and a critique. As you read scripture, or other books with your children, have them write a brief summary of the material, followed by a paragraph critiquing it. If they aren’t old enough to write well yet, ask them leading questions and have a brief conversation.

I remember reading a story to my niece on her front porch last year, and I would stop periodically throughout the story, asking things like, “Did that little girl in the story make a good decision?” followed by “Why?” or “Why not?” As we talked she was able to identify biblical truths that applied to the circumstances in the story. Even better, a day or two later when my niece was heading toward a misbehavior situation, I reminded her of the girl in the story and she was able to recall how that might apply to her current dilemma. Use your family reading choices to help train your children in biblical living.

Regard it as a biblical discipline

The proverbs are replete with instruction for wisdom. And that wisdom is gained by reading, studying and meditating on the word of God. Similarly, in Deuteronomy 6:6-9, parents are advised to pass on this wisdom to their offspring:

 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

One of the best ways we learn is by reading and repeating. So if you desire for your children to know and love scripture, and be able to apply it to all of life, they must grow up in an atmosphere where reading is practiced regularly. Read with them, read to them, and ask them to retell the story to you.

Reading may not always be fun, and the more we neglect it as a regular discipline, the less fun it will be. But it can be eternally rewarding, leading a child to a redemptive understanding of God. Children ought to view reading as a normal part of their daily lives. There are many more considerations and resources we could pursue, but for now, go home and start reading with your kiddos!

Our Satisfier

I know a lot of discouraged people these days. If not for God's grace, I would be one of those people too. And I am sure I will be at some point in the near future, and then I will need someone to encourage me. As I was considering all these hurting people, it made me think back to a time in my life when I had a friend who was deeply discouraged - she was burdened for the salvation of her children (as any mother should be), she was trying to help several people around her who were deeply distressed, and she was facing some frustrating concerns in her ministry. At the time, I was away for a few weeks, pursuing my master's degree in California in a summer intensive program. When I returned, I gave her a letter summarizing some of what I had been learning from my professors. I need these reminders myself as I seek to encourage those who are currently hurting. Here is a portion of that letter.

When I was at school, one of the main things I remember hearing from one professor over and over again, was in regards to the cross. We often tend to think that the cross is all about our salvation and about acquiring heaven. And it is, but it is even more about being transformed and restored to the image of God (which is how we were created) day by day. The “new man” Paul speaks of putting on in his letters is Christ – Christ is the new man! We are putting on Christ every day. We know the two greatest commandments are to love God and love others. That should be your priority at all times. And when you evaluate your life and how you are progressing, it should be in regards to those two commands. In causing you to be dissatisfied with some of what you see when you examine your life, God is giving you an opportunity to find your complete satisfaction in Him. When you wish that you could be more diligent or have more time to minister to various friends and to teach specific things to your children – He is showing you that it is only in Christ that you can minister effectively at all. Take heart, you are ministering when you simply love others, even if you can’t give them all the particular time or attention that you would like. These are opportunities for us both to be saturated in the Word, because that is truly the only comfort we can give to others. Reason with your friends and your children from the Word. May it be on the tip of our tongues in every conversation we have with these dear ones. Here is one brief “nugget” that I think might be helpful in your conversations with both your friends who are struggling with hard providences right now, and even in your communication with your kids:

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith – that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:8-11)

Jesus had truly become the Satisfier of Paul’s soul. And I know He is your Satisfier – now teach your friends and your children to find Him most satisfying! All men will sacrifice most willingly for that which they find most satisfying. Ask your friends, ask your children – what are you zealous for? What do you value most? What are you living for? (and don’t let people get away with the cliché response of “for God’s glory”) Get practical, especially with the kids. For instance, you could ask if they are finding more value in their friends or a certain toy than in Christ. Obviously as lost souls right now, they can’t find Him most satisfying. But by pointing those things out to them, Lord-willing they will begin to see that nothing else can satisfy them permanently, and so they will cry out in need of a Savior. We are so well taught with doctrine that we can recite these answers flippantly without dealing with our hearts. Asking ourselves these questions is how you and I can see our own sin more clearly and flee from it. And we aren’t just fleeing from it; we are fleeing to Christ, the Satisfier!

What do we do with all this knowledge?

You can read my current article over at The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood by clicking on the link below. Here's a sample from it:

Applying what we take in through daily reading proves to be an increasingly significant challenge. Access to books, sermons, articles and even brief quotations come at an overwhelming speed.  Our attention spans are vastly short, evidenced by our inability to linger in meaningful conversations or to recall with specificity what we have read. Immersion in an array of information may be the very reason daily application of truth becomes so difficult.

Our commitment to scripture might mean we disconnect at times. Turning off the computer or stepping away from books and commentaries allows us to be refreshed in the “pure milk” of the word. As Paul instructed Timothy, “all scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16). The appropriate place for advanced technology and limitless resources ought to be stimulation – not saturation – of our spiritual lives.

http://cbmw.org/uncategorized/what-do-we-do-with-all-this-knowledge/

When it's not your big day

Today I have a contribution posted with my friends over at The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood. I am so grateful for these folks, as they have undergirded my theological and practical study of womanhood and gender issues for several years now. What a joy to interact with them! I heartily recommend bookmarking their site as a place to find regular encouragement and resources!

http://cbmw.org/women/marriage-women/when-its-not-your-big-day/